Snippets of Random Chaos

2007-05-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

In a disgusting turn of events, I learned that he was my Grandfather and my Father. He liked to call me Double Stuff, which he found hillarious.

2007-04-27T14:27:00.001-07:00

After thinking this way for a few moments, I actually began to enjoy my moping. It was, in fact, some of the best moping I had ever witnessed.

2007-04-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

Well, that was a lousy, miserable failure of a membership drive! I would have thunk that there were more people with blood in their stool(s). What is bad for religious membership is good for gastro-intestinal health, and versa-vice. But that doesn't alleviate my worries. You people are not good at this. What part of "proselytizing" don't you understand?

2007-03-28T12:43:00.001-07:00

I mean, I could write: "I'm just being sparky,"but then that would, uh, take out the sparkiness.

2007-03-28T12:35:00.001-07:00

if that won't satisfy you, the pristine beaches of Shoal Bay West will be what you are looking for.

2007-03-28T12:32:00.001-07:00

ravelings are sexy

2007-03-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

When will people realize that The Second Amendment (The right to keep and bear arms) isn't about having a machine gun for duck hunting, it's about having a machine gun to defend yourself against the government, which is unfortunately necessary from time to time.

2007-03-28T12:23:00.001-07:00

Then the guy handed me the headphones and made me listen to the "best version of Sesame Street ever."

2007-03-28T12:13:00.001-07:00

I might have taken it too far when I acted as if I were sprinkling holy water on Chewie with the fry while repeating, "The power of fries compels you."

2007-03-28T12:12:00.003-07:00

Why does heathered mean this? I don't know. I was only able (so far) to find etymological information for the Scottish shrubbery. If anyone can shed light on this, it'd be most welcome.

2007-03-28T12:12:00.001-07:00

i kind of want to run them under water before i put them in my mouth. they're just not as good when they're dry.

2007-03-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

Another plus for masturbation - it reminds me when to clip my nails

2006-10-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

"Wheedle" always makes me chuckle when I read it.

2006-10-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

like one of them weed things you see in the movies of Romans wearing with their togas only mine is hair and it grows.

2006-10-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

Snack: one pickle. melon (not together)

2006-10-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

I met a number of people from the Communists, Liberal and European parties; plus I had some more reception food, which is literally saving me tens of pennies I would be spending on eating out otherwise.

2006-10-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

I held her in my arms and danced, and she meowed piteously - not because I was holding her and shaking her around, but because I have no rhythm

2006-09-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

Apparently her undergarments are made of more durable stuff than her dress, as frequent glimpses of her enormous bright yellow underpants attest.

2006-08-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

He has suggested the only way I could be happy is if he stretched me across a shallow hole in the road and drove a car back and forth across my shoulders. Even then, he suspects I’d still complain, “I can barely feel that.”

2006-08-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

screw you design education. obviously you are not needed with quality shyte like this.

2006-08-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

I distinctly remember that it was salmon transported an alarming distance solely for my enjoyment.)

2006-08-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

Mall clowns named "Spunky" are really mean-spirited, hateful farts who put on make-up for tips.

2006-08-08T20:15:00.000-07:00

I discovered that dental injury is the number one reason for malpractice claims against Anesthesiologists

2006-08-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hopefully these will be dropping within the next few months Theres a dope stussy x undftd tee too which I wanna cop, and a huge 5 way collabo that produced a really hot black and gold CLOT

2006-08-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

just don't smear it all over my bun. To those of who just say "why don't you just wipe it off", you digust me!!!

2006-08-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm currently screaming "Grosse Pointe Blank" at the television. Unfortunately, Larry doesn't hear me and is eliminated.

2006-08-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

Sure, the flapper thing would be good, but once that fringe knots up, it's hell combing it out.

2005-12-02T12:44:00.000-08:00

hugs are great! hugs always make you feel better... unless you have 3rd degree burns.

2005-11-11T15:58:00.000-08:00

it takes the cake
And, at the end of the day, I believe that the cake is ok with this.

2005-11-11T15:42:00.000-08:00

I know I'm always saying stuff like "I just puked in my mouth" and, "I just vomited a little", but this is one of the first times I've actually felt faint upon seeing what I just saw.

2005-11-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

Was wanting to post a picture of the chicken soup we cooked today, but it was a little inconvenient.

2005-10-24T14:52:00.000-07:00

if Star Wars ANH took place in the buttocks: "These aren't the 'roids you're looking for..."

2005-10-19T14:52:00.000-07:00

I really like Tootsie Rolls. That is all.

2005-10-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

I Stalk Knitters

2005-10-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

man, it must be cold up there

2005-10-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

So it starts off with Natey telling me I smell like Windex

2005-10-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

The well-spoken historian concluded her address by comparing the Dutch experience to contemporary realities in the Canadian context.

2005-10-14T16:36:00.000-07:00

Ten of them have claimed my front yard as their territory, and they won't let me get anywhere near the mailbox.

2005-10-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

Now, if there is one thing I hate more than broccoli, rap & child molesters, it's dance clubs

2005-10-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

so shoot me... I can't sing on an empty stomach okay?

2005-10-14T16:16:00.000-07:00

We were asked to arrive a half-hour early, so we could hang out in the lounge area, being a living advertisement for the panel

2005-10-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

Context makes such a difference, or maybe it's just the wine

2005-10-07T15:13:00.000-07:00

Nobody could lick beer off the floor or inhale smoke better than The Bone Dog. He wandered off and never came back somewhere in Clemson, South Carolina in 1997

2005-10-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

What I'm saying is if it's not going to be fucking delicious- then don't eat it

2005-10-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

I saw this monstrosity while flicking through a magazine looking for inspiration

2005-09-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

If it’s true that your heart stops every time you sneeze, I should be dead right now.

2005-09-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

I'll have to practice giving myself the evil eye before I go to bed. No way in heck I'd stay awake if I thought bad things would happen to me if I didn't sleep.

2005-09-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

Plot to kill the person who replaced my beloved, but evil retarded llama glue stick. I don't know what this new glue stick is like. I'm thinking a rodeo cowboy

2005-09-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

the thoughts do stray to when I was 6 years old and how proud I felt dressed in such regal splendour

2005-09-29T13:20:00.001-07:00

If you are a steady reader than you will notice an inconsistency in my recent posts

2005-09-29T13:20:00.000-07:00

People often ask me, "Mister Juggles where should I invest?"

2005-09-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

we're gonna need a bigger boat... and a lot more tartar sauce

2005-09-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

You know that 'rumbly in the tumbly' you get when it's time to go #2? I've call that The Quickening.

2005-09-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

"bedeviled" is a great word that just doesn't get used enough

2005-09-22T15:56:00.000-07:00

Misheard lyric: "...I've been living on coffee and nougat-tine..."

2005-09-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

You are one of the most obnoxious people I've ever met - and I was in a Punk band for eight years.

2005-09-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

Whatever the crime might be, I'm clearly the perpetrator.

2005-09-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

the hair stood up on the back of my neck in physical revulsion as he licked his lips like some greedy giant descending from a beanstalk that others had helped him climb, and tucked in for a delicious feast of spite and revenge.

2005-09-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

I like my car more than I like any of you

2005-09-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a little less angry than last night

2005-09-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

Can not play a dulcimer in the subway for money

2005-09-20T10:01:00.000-07:00

Boobies. Show 'em at every opportunity. Flashbacks especially; nothing says class like a retrospective of Boobies I Have Known.

2005-09-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

i told him i could steal shoes for him from work but i'd have to get one at a time

2005-09-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

I realized what a sad state I was in when I checked email, had none, checked my spam mail, had none, and was depressed that not even the spammers had written me.

2005-09-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

And every single one of them was attached by the back end to another crane fly. They were HAVING SEX. All over the front of my house.And now, ten hours later, they have all disappeared. Except for one which is sitting by my front door looking disappointed.

2005-09-16T14:46:00.000-07:00

Honey, I've always said that if your genitals are on the outside, you're hiding something on the inside."

2005-09-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

This is a remarkably scandalous game for 8-year-olds to play.

2005-09-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

I am convinced that neither ants nor cats (who were the only pests I thought I would have to worry about originally, don't ask me why) will be getting this strawberry wine.

2005-09-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

I got home today and my neighbor was in the house, making dinner

2005-09-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

we stayed in that waiting shed longer than I had planned to. I handed out the Neruda poem they would talk to, that they would walk through, and discussed parallel strategies of Neruda's Duende* with that of the haiku moment

2005-09-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how I felt about this the first time around and am still unsure about it now

2005-09-09T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we tried to call them and go there, but they didn't respond

2005-09-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

You've gotta like charming if predatory computer programs a little bit.

2005-09-09T16:43:00.000-07:00

I love that woman, even when she still has to take me places in the car with a smart talent every time it is raining.

2005-09-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

This not-melting thing seems to be a trend with me these days

2005-09-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

what if Maude was one of us, just a stranger on the bus...

2005-09-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

it smells like Ruffies in here

2005-09-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Death Valley and New Orleans - 2 reasons why 'below sea level' is a bad idea

2005-09-02T15:28:00.000-07:00

I felt poorly that day and remained in bed, unable to bake.

2005-08-30T16:46:00.000-07:00

although I think I'm gonna be in desperate need of quality wide receivers

2005-08-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

I have tried to figure out what stopped each of those times I became preoccupied with the concepts that would certainly have led to certain conclusions earlier in my life.

2005-08-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Luckily, it has a twin sister, who will now be forced to feel that mysterious loss that only a twin understands.

2005-08-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

Like when your esthetician is trying to dig out a stubborn ingrown pubic hair but 10 times worse.

2005-08-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

thanks to short guys and having to wear them at work

2005-08-26T16:10:00.000-07:00

things are not going as smooth as i had forepredicted

2005-08-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

You suck, Dee and the cast at Tri City Bank.

2005-08-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

And Her Womb To Be Always Great With Me

2005-08-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

It's glimpses of humanity like this that make it almost tolerable to work in his lab

2005-08-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

I got flustered because he played some kind of Bulgarian-Finachetto-Italian-with Blue-Cheese-on-the-side Fried Liver with Onions and a splash of Tabasco Gambit.

2005-08-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

made me call back and I tried to start her mom up for some sexy conversation. She was a good sport about it and just laughed me off before she hung up the phone. Damn!

2005-08-26T15:53:00.001-07:00

if I were prettier, I'd want to be a girl

2005-08-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

Today, I will try to explain what causes the intensity of the feeling in Newfoundland and Labrador over its offshore oil and gas resource dispute with the government of Canada.

2005-08-25T16:05:00.000-07:00

He was very happy and showed off the bear he painted in class and informed me that he does not like the froops I sent in his lunch.

2005-08-25T16:01:00.000-07:00

"a good" is simply that.... it's the opposite of "a bad." though, in its long form, it's really "a good pretty" as opposed to "a bad naughty."

2005-08-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

In addition, the fervor isn't backed by much meat.

2005-08-25T15:57:00.000-07:00

You can't promote the ideals of the Democratic Party from your grave.

2005-08-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

The last handful of episodes of Six Feet Under were incredibly emotional. Amber and I were balling

2005-08-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

the only worthy tomcat with equally immaculate lineage lived in the south of France and demanded 200 euros per roll in the hay, which is significantly higher than what you'd be asked to fork out by the ladies of the night in Amsterdam's red-light district

2005-08-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

I heard the news when I had breakfast with an Indian lawyer.

2005-08-25T15:46:00.000-07:00

I don't really remember walking the car!